This morning I woke up not wanting to do anything. I slept my 14 hours (typical right now) and wandered my apartment sullenly. Now that my roommates have started doing dishes (!) I'm out of my usual weekend activity. I certainly appreciate the change, but it leaves me feeling restless and uneasy.
It was with reluctant hope that I left home around 1:30, my belly mainly full of chocolate. My mind wanted to spend all day in bed, but among my sparse good traits is that I'm fairly reliable: what I say I'll do, I generally do. Yesterday I promised Sister Thompson that I would be at the MTC at 2 p.m. today for TRC. I arrived right on time.
Today I met with missionaries assigned to serve in Boise, Idaho. I adore Idaho--I love the flat dry land rimmed by mountains and the multitude of pickup trucks. They appreciated my enthusiasm and I their faith. I love volunteering at the MTC because for one thing it is spiritually charged and for another it is healthy for me to be taught basics in a setting where I am pretending to learn them for the first time.
Today I played the role of a former investigator interested in joining the church but fearing I would never be able to live a good enough life to be a faithful member. As the elders addressed my prescribed worries with scripture, I felt urgently compelled to ask a question on behalf of real life Catherine. As I expressed my genuine concern, one of the elders met my eyes and I felt the pretense fade from both our faces. Replying, he quoted another scripture--and then bore a sincere and humble testimony, the gist of which was "I've done what you are trying to do, and I believe that you can, too."
The commitment I was asked to make at the end of the lesson is one I've made dozens of times before. I think that today was the first time I believed I might be able to keep it.
Today I failed. Tomorrow I'll succeed.
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