I recently emerged from a highly unpleasant (to put it lightly) experience with someone I had thought of as a good friend. Over the last couple days I’ve gone through a wide range of emotions causing me to feel somewhat bipolar—anger, pain, confusion, shame on the negative end of the spectrum, and hope, comfort, clarity, and peace on the positive end. I feel reshaped. My views, priorities, opinions, feelings have changed drastically. I feel a fierce protectiveness about my happiness and safety and a deepened love for God. I feel my prayers have been answered in an exquisitely painful and unlikely way, and more certainly than ever I believe life will go up from here.
With all this boiling through me my thoughts return often to a poem I wrote four or five years ago.
I want someone to see my whole soul and to love it,
every inch and thought and fear.
I want to be held close 'til just one heartbeat can be heard,
to hold hands tight and breathe ‘til we’re not lonely anymore.
I want someone to laugh with while sunset and rise merge all together,
and I want little children’s cheeks to kiss and tears to dry.
I want someone to see my whole soul and to love it,
every inch and thought and fear, and we’ll be we.
I'm certain that out of this pain will come the love I have been looking for. Suddenly I feel I can accept it when it comes.
