unexpected expectations

It made some sense that when I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I was feeling dizzy and tired earlier this week, she wondered if I might be pregnant. It made some sense that when a waitress saw me picking at my food the other night, she wondered the same thing. But it was entirely too much today when a TOTAL STRANGER said matter-of-factly upon meeting me, "yep, you're expecting!" "Well, no," I said, and then, to alleviate the awkwardness of the situation, added, "but I did recently give birth." Yeah, if 3 months ago counts as recent enough for me to still look pregnant, which it doesn't! I am not pregnant! I even bought a pregnancy test, because all these comments were messing with my mind; negative. Thank goodness. I am so far from ready to face another pregnancy that if I really were pregnant, I would be spending copious amounts of time crying about it. But I'm not.

So why does everyone think I am?

fight

I hiked Squaw Peak with Benj on Saturday. I think Squaw Peak was the first mountain I ever summited, and that less than a year and a half ago.

The first time I hiked Squaw Peak it wore me out and I was sore for days. This time I felt great as soon as my post-hike headache subsided, and even worked out at the gym later in the day.

Basically I am getting really strong.

Tonight after FHE I fought in the grass with my Alabaman friends Jason and John. They have cool accents and John’s in a Juijitsu class taught by the same guy who teaches my self defense class so we know many of the same skills.

That was the best part of my day today.

father's day

            

for best results

If you have had the kind of week I've had, it's time to put away that chocolate and accept that even fail-proof remedies occasionally fail to cheer. But don't despair; for things chocolate can't heal, God gave us families.

I can't think of a single member of my family that hasn't brightened my grim world this week. If you are reading this and feeling glum because you can't remember talking to me this week and therefore think you've had no impact, turn the frown upside down because I just listed off the entire family (I checked our family portrait to be sure I didn't miss anyone) and yes you made a difference and I can tell you how but probably won't in this post.

If all of this still looks gloomy, there is still hope if you follow these instructions very carefully:

1. find a friend (for best results, select a sibling)
2. over dinner with person chosen in step 1, explore the joys of drawing with Crayola Slick Stix
3. watch Pixar's new stroke of genius, Up (for best results, watch it in 3D)

When you get home, climb through your apartment window and remind yourself not to leave the keys at home next time.

It worked for me.

morning by morning, new mercies I see

Yesterday was really a good day--so good that I began piecing together something coherent from the numerous blog posts I've begun this week.

Two months have passed that I'm glad to see gone. My hospital stay was lifechanging but difficult. I was eager to come home, but now I'm here it's hard to deal with all the tasks and dull realities that come with college life. I'm looking for an apartment for next fall and simultaneously looking for ways to outlive winter and productively enjoy spring and summer. Today and yesterday I made steps towards both of those goals, and that is a good feeling.

Daddy leaves this afternoon for Austria. He took me apartment and grocery shopping this morning and hugged courage into me. I'm so glad he came; his help has meant so much to me.

On one wall of the hallway leading to the hospital unit where I stayed, fluid black lettering reminded both incoming patients and visitors to "be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle". I've thought about that quote a lot since coming home. Besides my family and three close friends, no one knew where I was or why. Most didn't notice my absence, and I'm certain that I wouldn't notice theirs. I am not that observant. I'll try to notice more now, though.

The night before entering the hospital I reached one of the lowest points of my life. Ironically, when I needed help most was when it seemed hardest to request it, so although some close friends and my bishop walked past while I lay in the cool grass crying, I didn't call out to any of them, and none of them stopped. Later two friends told me (before hearing that anything had happened) that they felt impressed to check on me, but never got around to doing so. I wonder what I would have done if our roles had been reversed. I fear I would have been too hesitant and shy to check on any of my friends. Now that I have been the one beaten by the roadside, I'll try to act more like the good Samaritan.

Becca was my healer that night. She took me to my Bishop for counsel and a blessing and then took me to her apartment for comfort and safety. I entered the hospital the next day. The first night was the hardest; from there forward I have seen new mercies every morning (see previous post for the song which lent the title for this post). I gained a reputation in the hospital for being their most popular patient; I credit my incredible family for that title and thank you all for your love and support. Flowers and phonecalls, visits and prayers--all brought courage and cheer.

I'm doing well now. I thank God for his faithfulness and thank you for your love, and as I move through these long weeks I strive to remember to be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.

Thanks for helping me fight mine.

beloveds of mine

It turns out that there's really no better company than siblings (and siblings-in-law) to have on valentine's day. The five of us went out for Thai food and shared some eight or ten dishes. Delicious! A masterful marriage of sugar and spice of the curry variety, with veggies and chicken and coconut milk adding flavor. Then we hung out at Becca's nearby apartment, where we rolled jollily about on the carpet and snacked on Swedish candy three months past its expiration date and debated whether or not I can appropriately call my brother-in-law "honey-in-law" and "sweetie-in-law" and similar things and discussed favorite books and praised our wonderful mother.

Tomorrow I am going on a road trip with Elisabeth to visit my favorite aunt. I want to discuss the Massacre at Mountain Meadows book with her and have only read half of it so far (excellent book, I highly recommend it) so I am going to see how much more I can read before sleep hits. The rest will have to happen in the car on the way up.

cooking blog

Even though my cooking post attracted more attention than any other, I decided not to make this into a cooking blog because

1. I only cook two or three times a year and
2. My blog currently has no purpose and I like it that way.

My brother-in-law, however, has recently started up a fabulous cooking blog, featuring videos of him cooking Russian and Tatar cuisine as well as original dishes. His food is simple, fresh, and scrumptiously good; in fact, it is forcing me to reconsider my vegetarianism, because the way he cooks meat is almost irresistible even to this life-long meat hater.

Those of you not lucky enough to live 10 minutes from his house can enter his virtual kitchen here.